December 19-January 2, 2011
JG and I have been together a little over a year now, and I guess it was time to 'meet the family.' Since his family is in New York City, I got to take a trip! I'd never been to NY and all of a sudden I was on a plane to spend two weeks there in the middle of winter!
I'm a born and raised California girl. Not just a Caligirl, but a Coastal Caligirl. Cold for me is 50degrees and hot is 80. I don't do extreme climates, so I was very nervous about this whole trip. Thankfully the girls in JG's circle of friends are from cold climates and they loaned me clothing so that I wouldn't die. I didn't want to buy clothes because that's a lot of money to spend if this is the only trip I go on and 2) Coastal California doesn't sell clothes that are warm enough anyhow.
It's a good thing I borrowed clothing because it was freezing! Then in the middle of my stay, a blizzard! YES A BLIZZARD! 20 inches of snow. I had never seen snow fall before and I got my fill. We spent a few days digging ourselves out.
But more than anything, I was nervous about meeting JG's family. My family isn't what you'd call, normal, so family time is associated with negative feelings. Especially around the holidays (my grandmother once tried to beat me up at christmas in a drunken rage).
But JG's family is GREAT! They are all so kind, open, and welcoming. It was honestly a little overwhelming.
JG's grandpa threw a party on christmas eve and it was SO loud that I started to get a headache and had to retreat to our room to get a break. JG laughed at me but totally understood.
The only problem was: Christmas. I don't celebrate Christmas. JG assured me that this wouldn't be an issue because neither did half of his family; they are Jewish. I don't celebrate Christmas because I'm not Christian and it doesn't feel right to me morally to participate. I don't agree with Christmas being the default holiday for anyone without a religion.
My moral issues with Christmas are touchy for people. They don't understand. They feel personally offended, etc. So I don't like to explain until I've known people a while. But here I was going into Christmas with people I didn't know. When the subject would come up, I'd try to explain simply that I didn't celebrate Christmas. One of JG's relatives took this to mean I was Jewish. lol. Others tried to tell me, "oh it's about family. It's not meant to be religious" so that I would play along.
Problem is, that's exactly my problem. Christmas IS religous. Its the celebrate the birth of their savior. It SHOULD be religious and should be reserved for those who believe in it. It is, in my opinion, disrespectful to 'play along' and celebrate Christmas when you don't believe in Christ.
His family wanted me to join in and his mother went as far as to buy me a present, over my objection. She actually called me to tell me that she wanted to get me a present. I told her that I would prefer if she didn't. She and I went back and forth a few times and ultimately she decided, "well I'll think about it. But if I decide to get you something, then you'll just have to deal with it!" Although I know she meant it in the nicest way, it was very pushy. I just about cried out of frustration and past emotions over the subject.
I wanted to go home.
Between his mother and his father and grandfather trying to conjole me into participating, I felt like my family. It was like no one was listening to me. No one was respecting my choice and decision as the adult I am. And in my family this equals a big, ugly fight; a fight to the death of wills. I wanted to go home before that started.
I told JG that I wanted to go home and why. He was devestated and upset. I felt bad for him, but I just wanted out of there. He decided he'd tell his mother to back off, but I didn't want him too. Again, this to me, meant a fight. I didn't want any fighting.I just wanted it to resolve itself without any arguing or hurt feelings. I was so frustrated that no one was just letting me be me; let me interact with the family as people, but not not particpate in christmas.
His mother decided to buy me a present, so JG and his sister conspired to hide it so she couldn't give it to me. Unfortunately, they weren't able to do it without me seeing, which just upset me; his mother disrespected my wishes.
The rest of the trip went well. There were a number of gatherings where I met countless relatives that I can't remember their names. I'll need a refresher course if I go next year. I scored major points with them with my awesome Sour Cream Apple Pie. The way to people's hearts are through the stomach!
We also went into the City and JG showed me the sights including Wall Street, Macy's window displays, Ground Zero, Battery Park/Statue of Liberty (but it was too cold to go out on the boats), rode the subways, Rockafeller plaza and I even ate a 'dirty water dog' (hot dog from a street vender). This was my first trip to NYC and it was great. We were completely exhausted by the end and were so happy to get to sit down in Time Square where we had dinner with his cousin. I was surprirsed that I wasn't sore the next morning.
The rest of the trip went well except for the night New Year's Eve, which I spent in the emergency room. I developed a UTI and needed treatment immediately. I was suppose to get on a plane the next morning and fly home. If I hadn't gone that evening, I would have had to wait until I got back home and by then everything would be closed and I'd have to wait another day. You can't wait for UTI's. Unfortunately, this meant I had to leave his Aunt's party. I tried to exit without too much fuss, but that's not possible in his family, especially since Grandpa had to drive me, JG insisted on coming and half the family are nurses who wanted to help. YIKES.
So a few bumps along the way, but overall a great visit.
