Handy-men at Work!

This weekend my dad and younger brother came up and helped me with some heavy duty household projects. These were projects and Mac and I were suppose to do together. We likely would have done an ok job on it, but we aren't exactly the most proficient in these types of construction projects. We still would have had fun and been proud of our passable attempt at construction.

Instead, my family has come to the rescue to do these projects for me, namely the backyard. My dad and brother are far more gifted at this kind of thing, so it's coming out better than anything Mac and I could have done. And despite that, I still wish it was the shotty job that he and I would have done, because that would mean he was still here.

BEFORE & AFTER

Tough Weekend

I was looking forward to a nice three day weekend, but instead it's been really tough.

As I was leaving work Friday night, I get a call from the Village Papery reminding me that we had an appointment Saturday to discuss the font style, color and text of the initiations we'd previously picked out. It really bummed me out that instead of working on our wedding invitations, I was alone working on removing his possessions from my house. Instead of communicating to the world about our impending nuptials, he has not communicated with me in over a month; one would argue that he has not communicated with me in months or ever.

The next day, my new roommate moved in. She's very nice and I'm sure we'll live together well and even become friends. She's also from my home town. She's younger than I am, so we've never met before, but her older siblings and step-siblings are casual friends of mine and my brothers. And as excited as I am about getting someone else in the apartment with me, it's another sad reminder that he's not coming back.

He's a jerk, a coward and I totally deserve better.... but I still miss him and what we had. It just kills me that we had such a great love... everything except for the fact that he has no character. If only he would grow up, stand on his own two feet, take charge of his life....... but instead, every minute that passes, I know that he's still cowering behind his mother's skirt. That's not a man that can even be called a 'man' none the less be a man I can respect.

My First Date??

As I mentioned, there's this website that allows strangers who share similar interests to get together for group activities. Well, I joined one group that is based out of Santa Cruz (a 45 minute drive) and a guy from that group contacted me and wanted to know if I'd carpool with him. I am open to the idea but since I didn't know him, I wanted to meet before I went and got in the car with a total stranger. So he invited me to dinner tonight.

He asked to pick me up, but I decided I'd meet him there. I mean, the point of us getting together was to get to know each other enough to share a car ride! We met at the Fishwife for an early dinner and conversation. It's a good thing that we met at 4:30 since we ate and talked for 5 hours!! I think he thought it was a real date; he was dressed in date attire, had his hair combed, he picked up the check, pulled out my chair, walked me to my car. I went tonight with the intention of just meeting him and getting comfortable before I shared a long car ride with him. I was in jeans, flip flops and a nice collared shirt; definitely not in date attire and I came prepared to pay for my own meal.

I had a good time talking to him and we have a lot in common, but I'm not ready to actually date. Although he made it clear that he was interested in seeing me again, outside of the group, and that he told me that he hoped that he could help me forget my ex. He talked about taking me to the movies, out dancing and various restaurants and even the idea of traveling together. He's clearly interested and I'm sure that I'll receive a call from him soon for another date. Hopefully this time, he'll get the picture that I don't want to date him, or anyone else for that matter. We had a lot in common and I enjoyed talking to him, but even if I was ready to date, I don't think I'd date him. He joined the military straight of high school and served at Gitmo following 9/11. Now he works at the County. He's done pretty well for someone who hasn't gone through the pains of college, but his job requires very little to no actual work from him. And according to him, he likes that his job pays him well to do literally nothing. My ex had personal motivation issues as well, and that was one of the things that really bothered me; the lack of drive and ambition to do something meaningful with your life. But I think my date last night will become a good friend.

It's still really weird to think about dating someone else or holding another guy's hand, none the less kissing someone else. Even though my ex and I are most definitely over and there's no hope of reconciliation, it still feels like I'm cheating on him. I prided myself on my faithfulness and fidelity in my relationship, and since I was prepared to spend my whole life with my ex, it feels wrong to entertain the idea of dating anyone else. I'm sure that in a few months to a year, I might be ready to go on a real date.

MacWorld!

My book club gal-pal, Emily invited me to MacWorld in San Fran today. I took the day off work and had a great time! We saw all kinds of cool gadgets, new technologies and got to play with stuff. We also met up with a friend of hers from her days in NYC. He was way cool and he is a faculty member at Sacramento Community College so we had something to talk about.

Then we had an adventure in Ikea and I even bought a new chair and lamp. I was so excited that even though we got home kinda late, I stayed up to put it all together. Although I should have listened to Emily and got the matching foot rest. Oh well.

It was great to spend time with Emily. She's a lot of fun and is just as chatty and goofy as I am. I think we're going to be good friends.

Movie & Friend

After my mildly unsuccessful movie-going event with the online group, I went to Chipolte to grab a burrito for dinner later that night. And guess who I ran into? Emily from book club!

We chatted for a bit and decided to get together for a showing of "Grand Torino," the new Clint Eastwood flick. Tonight we went to see it after work and it is such a good movie!! I'm so glad Emily suggested it. We had a quick bite to eat before the show and I had such a good time talking with her. She might be one of my 4 newly aquired gal-pals for this year. Of course I already knew her before the year began, but we only hung out and talked related to book club. So I think it should count.

In fact, we are doing a road trip together this Friday to Macworld in San Fran. It's an all day thing and I've never been before, so I'm really looking forward to it. I've really started my New Year's Resolution out strong! I had promised myself that I would go to at least one social event per month (not including book club). It's only the 6th and I've been to a group movie outing, a gal-pal movie outing, MacWorld this week and I have a few tentative "dates" between now and the 20th.

I say "dates" because one outing is with my gay male friend to go dancing and another is more of a meet up with this guy before we carpool together for another one of those online group outings.

I still miss my ex's company and sometimes I wish he was here, but then I remember what he's done and what that says about his character, and I remember that I'm better off.

Ruling the Flame

Today I attempted to master the BBQ flame. My ex-fiance was always the grill master around here and I never really learned to do it myself. I'd watched my dad do it growing up, listened to his BBQ advice, but never actually needed to use it.

But today, I was feeling empowered and decided to fire up the grill. I'm a little afraid of lighter fluid and flames and the possibility of getting burned (It's happened before, so I have good reason to be afraid). I attempted to make a hometown favorite, Tri Tip!

I got a really good fire going, but I think I put the meat on a little too early because it got a little burned. But overall, I did a good job and now I know I can do it myself!

First Social Outing

Today I went on my first social outing with the intention to making new friends. I found a new website that coordinates people with similar interest in the same geographic areas. It's kinda like a blind group date. I met up with a group to go to a movie.

Unfortnuately, it wasn't what I had in mind. We met up only a few minutes before the show started; not much time for introductions or talking. Then we sat in silence for the film and then immediately following the movie letting out, everyone dispersed. Again, no talking.

I have no problems going to a movie alone; I don't need anyone to sit next to me. I don't feel like a dweeb or anything for not having a companion. And the movie itself wasn't one that I really wanted to see. What I really wanted was to talk to the people in the group and get to know some new people. Unfortunately, that part was a bit of a bust. But hopefully the next outing I go on will be better.