My college roommate Erica and her long time man, Bryant came to the area for Thanksgiving. Before heading back to Sacramento, they stopped in a stayed with me for a night.
We decided that a double date is just what was called for! So we met JG at Jose's Mexican and had dinner. Erica didn't grill him too bad. In some ways, I was hoping she would!! Then I could learn all that juicy stuff without having to run the risk of him turning the question around on me, "and what about you?" I could fain shock at Erica's bold questioning, while benefiting from it.
Following dinner, JG took us to one of his friend's houses where a number of them were gather to play beer pong, salsa dance and sit around a bon fire. We sat around laughing, talking and having a great time, despite being super cold!
The Lady of the House, was a little tipsy by the end of the evening and laid into JG for not bringing me around sooner. She demanded to know how many dates we'd been on and when she found out that it was around 10, she gave him hell. Apparently he was suppose to have brought me around on date #1! She really liked me and thought it insulting that she hadn't been graced with my presense earlier. I thought it was really funny to watch him squirm.
We had a great night.
Friday, November 27, 2009
Date #10- Thanksgiving
I couldn't help but reflect on the past year. At this time last year, I had a ring on my finger, and a wedding location booked. I spent Thanksgiving with family, believing that my father's promiscuous ways had been put in the past. My family and I went to the Reagan Library and Mac and I took a picture with our new niece in front of the Presidential seal. I was in love.
This Thanksgiving, I didn't want to talk to any of my family, none the less see them. Instead I spent time with new friends and helped volunteer to feed the low income and homeless. I'm dating a new guy who is great. I have a dog. And although I'm not in love, I know that there is the possibility of love for me somewhere. Even if it's just me loving myself, which is more love than most people have. I consider myself lucky.
My friend Jamieko decided to take on the massive project to feeding a few hundred people at the Castroville Rec Center and I decided that I would help and bring JG along. I figured that since he's served in the Peace Corps, he's no stranger to volunteer work. He gladly accepted and we spent the day being Jamieko's happy slaves.
It was particularly entertaining when JG realized that a former girlfriend of his, was there. She's also a JayCee (like Jamieko and I), and had come to help her fellow JayCee. Neither she nor JG decided to make introductions to me. I thought it was pretty funny; he wasn't quite so thrilled, but handled it with dignity.
Afterwards, we went back to my place to feed the pup and such. Then we were going over to JG's place to catch his beloved NY Giants game. While the puppy ate and played with JG, I decided to check my email......
There it was.
A response from Mac......
I'd written to him, never expecting he'd write back, asking him for answers. Asking for closure. That I'd met someone awesome and I didn't want to end up messing it up because of the abandonment issues I now have.
He actually wrote back. He's never responded to any of the emails I've sent to him.
I nearly crumbled at the sight of his name in my email. With shaky fingers I opened the email and read, " I will answer your questions, to the best of my ability. I can't promise you'll get that today, but I will get a response to you by tomorrow. As far as everyone else... I'll explain to them too. But you first. Happy Thanksgiving."
I couldn't help myself, I began to sob right there. Poor JG didn't know what happened or what was going on. The man know NOTHING about any of it; not even that I have been engaged or that I was with someone for 8 years. I had to excuse myself and I went to my room and sobbed for a few minutes. I pulled myself together enough to deal with JG.
I tried to manage a few words, but failed at making any sound which could be considered English. JG was great. He wrapped his arms around me and that made me cry again. He didn't ask for an explanation, didn't push, just held. Then told me that he was going to go home and if I was up to it, he'd like me to join him.
I took the next half hour to read the email over and over again. It meant so much that he even acknowledged me by responding, none the less promising that he'd answer my questions. I was a mess of emotion and trying desperately to put it out of my mind so that I could be in the moment with JG.
Eventually, I pulled myself together and went to JG's house. Of course when I walked through the door, he gave me that look and asked if I was ok..... which of course made me cry again!! UGH!
I knew that I had to give him some sort of explanation. The only thing I could manage, without getting totally emotional and/or getting into the whole story (which we are SSSOOO not close enough for that yet!), was, "I'm being granted a wish tomorrow. I just got an email telling me that tomorrow, I will be getting something that I've been waiting for for a really long time. I didn't think I'd ever get it, but tomorrow it's coming."
As I sit here and write, I'm anxious, scared, excited, happy and nervous about tomorrow. It's going to be impossible for me not to sit in front of my computer all day and wait for it. I have no idea when it's coming, but I can't wait, but at the same time, I'm a little scared to know.
This Thanksgiving, I didn't want to talk to any of my family, none the less see them. Instead I spent time with new friends and helped volunteer to feed the low income and homeless. I'm dating a new guy who is great. I have a dog. And although I'm not in love, I know that there is the possibility of love for me somewhere. Even if it's just me loving myself, which is more love than most people have. I consider myself lucky.
My friend Jamieko decided to take on the massive project to feeding a few hundred people at the Castroville Rec Center and I decided that I would help and bring JG along. I figured that since he's served in the Peace Corps, he's no stranger to volunteer work. He gladly accepted and we spent the day being Jamieko's happy slaves.
It was particularly entertaining when JG realized that a former girlfriend of his, was there. She's also a JayCee (like Jamieko and I), and had come to help her fellow JayCee. Neither she nor JG decided to make introductions to me. I thought it was pretty funny; he wasn't quite so thrilled, but handled it with dignity.
Afterwards, we went back to my place to feed the pup and such. Then we were going over to JG's place to catch his beloved NY Giants game. While the puppy ate and played with JG, I decided to check my email......
There it was.
A response from Mac......
I'd written to him, never expecting he'd write back, asking him for answers. Asking for closure. That I'd met someone awesome and I didn't want to end up messing it up because of the abandonment issues I now have.
He actually wrote back. He's never responded to any of the emails I've sent to him.
I nearly crumbled at the sight of his name in my email. With shaky fingers I opened the email and read, " I will answer your questions, to the best of my ability. I can't promise you'll get that today, but I will get a response to you by tomorrow. As far as everyone else... I'll explain to them too. But you first. Happy Thanksgiving."
I couldn't help myself, I began to sob right there. Poor JG didn't know what happened or what was going on. The man know NOTHING about any of it; not even that I have been engaged or that I was with someone for 8 years. I had to excuse myself and I went to my room and sobbed for a few minutes. I pulled myself together enough to deal with JG.
I tried to manage a few words, but failed at making any sound which could be considered English. JG was great. He wrapped his arms around me and that made me cry again. He didn't ask for an explanation, didn't push, just held. Then told me that he was going to go home and if I was up to it, he'd like me to join him.
I took the next half hour to read the email over and over again. It meant so much that he even acknowledged me by responding, none the less promising that he'd answer my questions. I was a mess of emotion and trying desperately to put it out of my mind so that I could be in the moment with JG.
Eventually, I pulled myself together and went to JG's house. Of course when I walked through the door, he gave me that look and asked if I was ok..... which of course made me cry again!! UGH!
I knew that I had to give him some sort of explanation. The only thing I could manage, without getting totally emotional and/or getting into the whole story (which we are SSSOOO not close enough for that yet!), was, "I'm being granted a wish tomorrow. I just got an email telling me that tomorrow, I will be getting something that I've been waiting for for a really long time. I didn't think I'd ever get it, but tomorrow it's coming."
As I sit here and write, I'm anxious, scared, excited, happy and nervous about tomorrow. It's going to be impossible for me not to sit in front of my computer all day and wait for it. I have no idea when it's coming, but I can't wait, but at the same time, I'm a little scared to know.
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Mac's 1st email
Today I was a nervous wreck. Mac had promised me an email explanation today, though I had no idea what time it would arrive. I didn't want to leave the house because I wanted to read it the second I got it. I'd been waiting a year to learn what happened and I didn't want to wait a second longer. All day, I'd run to my computer to stare disappointingly at my email inbox.
It arrived just after 5pm and much to my surprise it was quite lengthy, articulate and helpful. I had expected a meager email of not much substance. He had explained some of what had lead up to his disappearance and where his head was that morning. Much of what he said, I'd already known through my own investigations, but some of it was new and helpful.
Of course, as I'm processing this email and trying to take it all in, JG calls. I answer, sobbing. JG is one good guy! The poor man has been cried on three times in the last two days! And not just a few sniffles, but outright, crazy girl, hot mess of weeping! To which he responds, "I take it that you received your wish?"
So I collect myself as best I can and tell him that I'd just gotten it and haven't fully comprehended it all yet. Given the crying he's had to deal with, I felt like I need to give him a little more of an explination:
I told him that this was a very simple, straight forward metaphor and not exactly what happened, but it's a good illustration.
In some ways, this is exactly what happened. He did kill himself. The man I knew and loved would never walk out the door and never look back. The guy who did all this, is a guy I never knew.
JG is a guy who I feel is worth investing time to get to know. If he proves to be the good guy that I think he is and that his friends tell me that he is, then I'll tell him everything. But right now, I could only manage this.....
It arrived just after 5pm and much to my surprise it was quite lengthy, articulate and helpful. I had expected a meager email of not much substance. He had explained some of what had lead up to his disappearance and where his head was that morning. Much of what he said, I'd already known through my own investigations, but some of it was new and helpful.
Of course, as I'm processing this email and trying to take it all in, JG calls. I answer, sobbing. JG is one good guy! The poor man has been cried on three times in the last two days! And not just a few sniffles, but outright, crazy girl, hot mess of weeping! To which he responds, "I take it that you received your wish?"
So I collect myself as best I can and tell him that I'd just gotten it and haven't fully comprehended it all yet. Given the crying he's had to deal with, I felt like I need to give him a little more of an explination:
Imagine the one person they love more than anything in the world; the person that you hope you will die first so that you don't have to experience the pain of losing them; it could be your mom, your best friend, you dog, whoever.
You and this person have plans to spend time together in a few hours. Now imagine this person walks out the door and never comes back. No warning. No explination. They killed themselves and you never knew why.
Now imagine that you recieved a letter written by this person explaining why they killed themselves.
I told him that this was a very simple, straight forward metaphor and not exactly what happened, but it's a good illustration.
In some ways, this is exactly what happened. He did kill himself. The man I knew and loved would never walk out the door and never look back. The guy who did all this, is a guy I never knew.
JG is a guy who I feel is worth investing time to get to know. If he proves to be the good guy that I think he is and that his friends tell me that he is, then I'll tell him everything. But right now, I could only manage this.....
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Date #9- Trivia Night
Another fun night out with JG! We went to London Bridges Pub with some of his buddies and played Trivia. People form teams and the bar man uses a mic to ask the questions. The teams come up with answers, write them down and then exchange with other teams for scoring. There is about 100 questions and the winners get a round at the bar.
I actually knew some of the questions, but a lot of them were sports or Sinfield related for some reason. It was fun anyhow. Afterwards, we went to the Mucky Duck where another group of his friends were celebrating a recent championship win in the co-ed old people softball league + someone's birthday.
JG's friends are really great and I think that speaks to his character.
I actually knew some of the questions, but a lot of them were sports or Sinfield related for some reason. It was fun anyhow. Afterwards, we went to the Mucky Duck where another group of his friends were celebrating a recent championship win in the co-ed old people softball league + someone's birthday.
JG's friends are really great and I think that speaks to his character.
Monday, November 23, 2009
Date #8-Hanging out
This weekend I was tied to my oven. To help a friend with a large Thanksgiving feast for the masses, I volunteered to make a turkey and a few pies. I'd never cooked a turkey in my life! All I can say, is THANK YOU INTERNET!
I brined the bird overnight and cooked it on Sunday. It came out beautifully!! I was so proud of myself! Just as I was pulling the turkey out, JG calls and asks if I'd like some company. So of course I invited him over and we settled down on the couch, cuddled and watched football. It was really nice to just be held and to spend some time with him doing basically nothing.
My brothers will be happy to know that TiVo is an excellent chaperon. TiVo generally wedges himself between JG and I and when we kiss, TiVo comes and puts his face next to ours. It makes us laugh, but it is slightly annoying.
My brothers will be happy to know that TiVo is an excellent chaperon. TiVo generally wedges himself between JG and I and when we kiss, TiVo comes and puts his face next to ours. It makes us laugh, but it is slightly annoying.
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Dad finally emails
So I still haven't heard from him..... I busted him on Father's day and he really hasn't spoken to me since. Then after three months of not telling my mom, I told her when she visted and then he REALLY hasn't talked to me.
It's now been two months of my MOM emailing me, but nothing from my dad. I keep telling her that she needs to stop. That she's not the one that needs to be reaching out; he does.
So today, finally got the below email:
It's now been two months of my MOM emailing me, but nothing from my dad. I keep telling her that she needs to stop. That she's not the one that needs to be reaching out; he does.
So today, finally got the below email:
Dear Kali,
Mom gave me your e-mail from Nov. 5 to read yesterday. I have read it and now will try to respond in the manor I feel appropriate. I have on purpose let time go by in hopes of a cool down period for all concern, in my mind I was trying to do the right thing by doing so. I am sorry that’s not what you wanted. I also respect your choice on not joining in counseling, after all you have to lead your life as you choose too, where and when to go places is yours to make, that said, you will be and are always welcome in our home.
I have tried to be nothing but the best I could, in being a son, husband, and father to my children. I have given my all to show what is right and wrong, too proved a warm and safe place for my family and to create a stable home and protected. I believe that I have been a good person in my life, but to think I am perfect no! No one can make that claim, the road in life has many paths and somehow I got down a path I shouldn’t have. I have bore that pain solely for sometime now and will continue that pain, only now with the help of my wife can I cope and love each day with her as she has shown what true love is and why we were married over 33 years ago, she is my soul mate. It brings great pain to me, that I have caused pain to all, though was never my intention to do so. I truly am sorry to you Kali, for no matter what….. if you ever forgive me or not and move forward with me or not, you will always be my daughter and I will always love you with all my heart and soul. We may never always agree on things in life, and life as already shown us that. My growing up in my family wasn’t perfect as a kid…..but not all bad either and I wont use that has an excuse, I will stand on my own for my errors and apologize, hoping to find true friends and my family in support of mom and I would be of the greatest comfort and joy to us, but your adults with your own lives and your own thoughts and views.
Again, though it may not be enough please receive and believe my sincerest apology!
Always my Love for you!!
Dad
This email really pissed me off, especially "I truly am sorry to you Kali, for no matter what….." because he didn't apologize for anything. He couldn't compose a gramatically correct sentence that conveyed any type of meaning. It just tells me that he doesn't know why he's apologizing.
The basic message of this email was, 'I put a roof over your head. I'm not perfect. What do you want from me?' Then tries to get sympathy.
Yeah, so not buying into that.
"It brings great pain to me, that I have caused pain to all, though was never my intention to do so." This pisses me off. Yes, it was your intention to harm your family! Infidelity harms families. He knows that, everyone knows that. He never intended to get caught. That's the only thing he's sorry for.
"I have given my all to show what is right and wrong"- that's just a ridiculous statement coming from a long time adulterer and someone who just lied to my face repeatedly.
The REAL reason why he hasn't spoken to me in months is not because he thought it best for a "cool down period." I know this because he talked to my brothers within 24 hours of the infidelity being exposed to mom; no cool down. My younger brother was definitely more visibly upset than I. He only talked to them because it was easy and convenient to show my mom how "sorry" he was, and score early manipulation points with mom. He hasn't spoken to me because he is a coward and he doesn't feel bad enough to actually put forth any effort; I know his games too well to let him get away with that.
Mac use to do the same thing. Lie, Lie, Lie until backed into a corner, then admit just enough to make it seem like he was coming clean. Then cry and launch into the whole 'whoa is me! I'm just so messed up, but I'm going to get help." You want to believe it, but the reality is, nothing will change. Dad and Mac are the same guy. I know this game.
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Date #7- Dinner, bar, golf & friends
Last night was an amazing night.
It started with JG coming over and having dinner with me. Yes, I cooked and I think it was pretty decent. I'm really more of a baker than I am a cook, but I can produce decent enough food.
Anyhow, afterwards, we met up with his friends at Woodie's bar in the Tin Cannery. It was his roommate Nick's 28th birthday so some of them ate, others drank and we all had cake! JG briefly left the table to refresh his drink and while he was gone, Nick told me that JG talks about me a lot and so he was glad to finally meet me. Just about then, JG re-appeared and we teased him that Nick had divulged all JG's secrets to me! Nick reminds me of my younger brother and my cousins, so he was really easy to banter with. I talked with all of his friends and I think I made a connection with each of them in the first few hours.
After hanging out a few hours there, we moved to the indoor, black light, underwater themed, mini-golf and played all 18 rounds with most of them slightly buzzed. Both JG and I both got a hole-in-one, the only people in our party of 10 people to do so! We all laughed and joked through the entire course. We had so much fun that it seemed a shame to end the evening so soon, so off we went to a bar on Lighthouse.
The bar was loud, crowded and wildly entertaining! There were more jokes and teasing by all and even a sing-a-long to the songs playing. They enjoyed that when passed the salt shaker/microphone that I was willing to sing along enthusiastically and dance in my seat along with them.
I laughed so hard with all of that night, my face hurt. IT WAS GREAT! He's got some really great friends. To me, I think that the people whom you voluntarily choose to surround yourself with are the most important measure of who someone is. Family, you can't help who you are born into, but friends tell you a lot. He's got great people around him.
They invited me to a party in December.
JG took me home and we shared some wonderful kisses. He is remembering and honoring my request to go slowly and I appreciate that so much! Kissing is great and I think most people rush everything else and they never get to enjoy the full depths of kissing. It's a good stage to linger in....
Next date will be Thanksgiving when JG will be helping my friends and I serve the masses. He's giving up a day of watching football to hang out with me; bonus points for him.
It started with JG coming over and having dinner with me. Yes, I cooked and I think it was pretty decent. I'm really more of a baker than I am a cook, but I can produce decent enough food.
Anyhow, afterwards, we met up with his friends at Woodie's bar in the Tin Cannery. It was his roommate Nick's 28th birthday so some of them ate, others drank and we all had cake! JG briefly left the table to refresh his drink and while he was gone, Nick told me that JG talks about me a lot and so he was glad to finally meet me. Just about then, JG re-appeared and we teased him that Nick had divulged all JG's secrets to me! Nick reminds me of my younger brother and my cousins, so he was really easy to banter with. I talked with all of his friends and I think I made a connection with each of them in the first few hours.
After hanging out a few hours there, we moved to the indoor, black light, underwater themed, mini-golf and played all 18 rounds with most of them slightly buzzed. Both JG and I both got a hole-in-one, the only people in our party of 10 people to do so! We all laughed and joked through the entire course. We had so much fun that it seemed a shame to end the evening so soon, so off we went to a bar on Lighthouse.
The bar was loud, crowded and wildly entertaining! There were more jokes and teasing by all and even a sing-a-long to the songs playing. They enjoyed that when passed the salt shaker/microphone that I was willing to sing along enthusiastically and dance in my seat along with them.
I laughed so hard with all of that night, my face hurt. IT WAS GREAT! He's got some really great friends. To me, I think that the people whom you voluntarily choose to surround yourself with are the most important measure of who someone is. Family, you can't help who you are born into, but friends tell you a lot. He's got great people around him.
They invited me to a party in December.
JG took me home and we shared some wonderful kisses. He is remembering and honoring my request to go slowly and I appreciate that so much! Kissing is great and I think most people rush everything else and they never get to enjoy the full depths of kissing. It's a good stage to linger in....
Next date will be Thanksgiving when JG will be helping my friends and I serve the masses. He's giving up a day of watching football to hang out with me; bonus points for him.
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Date #6- Dinner & a Movie
Tonight we did a traditional date of dinner and a movie. We saw Pirate Radio and it was VERY funny. I'd recommend it, especially if you are a fan of music from the 60's/70's.
Part of the reason why we had a low-key date tonight was because JG sprained, possibly broke, one of his fingers playing volleyball. Poor guy.
It was nice to go to the movies and hold his hand and snuggle up against him. I though it was super sweet when a couple of times he kissed the top of my head and kissed my hand. Very cute.
Afterwards we grabbed a bite at Islands and talked for a little while. During our conversation, he asked if I'd like to go mini-golfing at the indoor, black light place on Cannery Row on Friday. I said, 'yes,' of course and then he says, "oh, good. My friends will be glad to hear you'll be joining us. They've been wanting to meet you."
I thought it was going to be just the two of us, but he informed me it would be about 8 of his friends. YIKES... meeting the friends.....
Part of the reason why we had a low-key date tonight was because JG sprained, possibly broke, one of his fingers playing volleyball. Poor guy.
It was nice to go to the movies and hold his hand and snuggle up against him. I though it was super sweet when a couple of times he kissed the top of my head and kissed my hand. Very cute.
Afterwards we grabbed a bite at Islands and talked for a little while. During our conversation, he asked if I'd like to go mini-golfing at the indoor, black light place on Cannery Row on Friday. I said, 'yes,' of course and then he says, "oh, good. My friends will be glad to hear you'll be joining us. They've been wanting to meet you."
I thought it was going to be just the two of us, but he informed me it would be about 8 of his friends. YIKES... meeting the friends.....
Saturday, November 14, 2009
Date #5- Emily's Orchestra
My friend Emily plays the bass and had a concert today. I'd had it on my calendar for months and always planned on going. I didn't plan that I'd have a date.
But since I'd been seeing JG for a while now, I thought it would be a good date for us. He had mentioned that he liked a variety of music so I asked if he'd like to go see a string ensemble play Broadway tunes.
He asked me to have lunch with him beforehand so we went and grabbed a slice of pizza at a neighborhood pizza place. Then we were off to hear Emily play! She was great and we loved it! Afterward, he drove me home and we talked for a few hours in between some kissing. He gently tried his limits to which I informed him that this the physical aspect is going to be going at a snail's pace. He was totally fine with that, agreed that there is a lot we don't know about each other, and kept his hands in respectable limits the rest of the evening.
I mentioned in a previous blog that he kisses like Mac. I still think this is true although I think JG might be a little better! While we talked, we snuggled on the couch and it felt like we'd known each other a lot longer; it felt as comfortable as snuggling with Mac. So all of that is really strange, but nice too. It's almost like I'm getting the best of Mac and the worst of Mac has been, so far, absent with JG. Who knows? Maybe I'll strike it rich and get a Mac that is 10X's better. Wouldn't that be great?!?!?
But since I'd been seeing JG for a while now, I thought it would be a good date for us. He had mentioned that he liked a variety of music so I asked if he'd like to go see a string ensemble play Broadway tunes.
He asked me to have lunch with him beforehand so we went and grabbed a slice of pizza at a neighborhood pizza place. Then we were off to hear Emily play! She was great and we loved it! Afterward, he drove me home and we talked for a few hours in between some kissing. He gently tried his limits to which I informed him that this the physical aspect is going to be going at a snail's pace. He was totally fine with that, agreed that there is a lot we don't know about each other, and kept his hands in respectable limits the rest of the evening.
I mentioned in a previous blog that he kisses like Mac. I still think this is true although I think JG might be a little better! While we talked, we snuggled on the couch and it felt like we'd known each other a lot longer; it felt as comfortable as snuggling with Mac. So all of that is really strange, but nice too. It's almost like I'm getting the best of Mac and the worst of Mac has been, so far, absent with JG. Who knows? Maybe I'll strike it rich and get a Mac that is 10X's better. Wouldn't that be great?!?!?
Friday, November 13, 2009
Date #4- Roller Skating
I had Friday off for the Veteran's day holiday and so I thought it would be nice if JG and I went out again. Since I'd spend the whole day with TiVo, I suspected that he'd behave while I was gone. To be sure, I crated him and stuck his "special" collar on.
JG and I already had a date planned for tomorrow, but it'd been nearly a week since I'd seen him and I didn't want to wait another day (I like him, so shoot me!).
We decided on roller skating at the local rink and we had such a good time! It had been quite some time since either of us had skated so it was pretty funny to watch us try to remember how. Eventually it came back to us and we did a few laps holding hands. And no trip to the rink would be complete without a round on one of the video games. It was a great evening.
He took me home and we made out for a few hours in my apartment. He was a total gentleman and didn't try anything, which I appreciated. I know many guys would have tried the second they walked in the door.
As much as I like JG, I know I'm not ready to cross that line. Not only because we've only known each other a few weeks and I think it's too soon anyhow, but because of Mac. I've only ever been with Mac and I'd always hoped it would be that way. Of course, I know that won't be true anymore, but I still want my next love to be serious before we cross that line. And whoever that guy will be, will need to know what an emotional event it'll be for me and why. And until I feel like I can tell a guy about my fiance and his 'death,' I don't think that line should be crossed.
So I hope that JG will continue to be a gentleman and be willing to take things slow if for no other reason than he hopes this will go somewhere long term and there's no reason to rush it.
JG and I already had a date planned for tomorrow, but it'd been nearly a week since I'd seen him and I didn't want to wait another day (I like him, so shoot me!).
We decided on roller skating at the local rink and we had such a good time! It had been quite some time since either of us had skated so it was pretty funny to watch us try to remember how. Eventually it came back to us and we did a few laps holding hands. And no trip to the rink would be complete without a round on one of the video games. It was a great evening.
He took me home and we made out for a few hours in my apartment. He was a total gentleman and didn't try anything, which I appreciated. I know many guys would have tried the second they walked in the door.
As much as I like JG, I know I'm not ready to cross that line. Not only because we've only known each other a few weeks and I think it's too soon anyhow, but because of Mac. I've only ever been with Mac and I'd always hoped it would be that way. Of course, I know that won't be true anymore, but I still want my next love to be serious before we cross that line. And whoever that guy will be, will need to know what an emotional event it'll be for me and why. And until I feel like I can tell a guy about my fiance and his 'death,' I don't think that line should be crossed.
So I hope that JG will continue to be a gentleman and be willing to take things slow if for no other reason than he hopes this will go somewhere long term and there's no reason to rush it.
Monday, November 9, 2009
Training TiVo
As I've mentioned, I had a little run-in with the law about TiVo. He's been a little lonesome lately and apparently one night was barking consistently from 6:30 to 7:30pm. By the time I'd come home at 10, he was curled up asleep. Anyhow, a cop left their card in my door and when I called, told me that a neighbor complained and was willing to file a formal complain. I think this is ridiculous as 1) it wasn't even late when he was barking and 2) the neighboor must be a sniviling little roach to call the cops instead of just come tell me about it. The cop should have told this annonymous neighbor to grow a pair and talk to me directly. 3) there are a ton of dogs in this neighboorhood who bark constantly. As I'm writing this, there are two dogs that have been going non-stop for the last 2.5 hours. Why are they targeting my dog? 4) TiVo is a dog. Dogs bark. You can't stop a dog from barking anymore than you can a baby crying. People would think it unreasonable to call the cops for a crying baby.
Anyhow, in an effort to quiet TiVo, please the neighboors and please myself by getting to go out more, I have started TiVo on seperation anxiety training.
This is something I did with TiVo when he was a young pup. He'd cry when I'd go behind a corner! So systematically, I built up the time in between my appearances and disappearances. I don't make a big deal of either my coming or goings. He now doesn't cry or whine when I leave in the morning for work and as far as I know, doesn't bark or cry endlessly during the day. He knows when I'm suppose to be home and I can see him in the window as I turn the corner onto my street. Now the big hurdle is getting him not to freak out when I come home late, ie: went on a date after work.
In preparing for this new stage of training, I've picked up a zap collar. I've decided that this week, after work I'm going to crate him in the windowless laundry room with the zap collar on. I'll make all the normal noises of the door opening, locks locking, keys jingling, etc. to make it sound like I'm leaving. When he start barking the zap collar will correct him. When he quiets down, I'll go in, give him a treat and some cuddles. Then stick him back in the crate and do it again.
As of tonight, it has been successful. I'll keep working on it tomorrow night and then on Wednesday, I have book club so hopefully he will have it down. Then the rest of the week is good practice. If he does well all week, I think I can let JG know we can see each other more frequently, provided that I go home after work and crate TiVo.
Keep your fingers crossed for me that TiVo learns quickly and I can keep dating!
Anyhow, in an effort to quiet TiVo, please the neighboors and please myself by getting to go out more, I have started TiVo on seperation anxiety training.
This is something I did with TiVo when he was a young pup. He'd cry when I'd go behind a corner! So systematically, I built up the time in between my appearances and disappearances. I don't make a big deal of either my coming or goings. He now doesn't cry or whine when I leave in the morning for work and as far as I know, doesn't bark or cry endlessly during the day. He knows when I'm suppose to be home and I can see him in the window as I turn the corner onto my street. Now the big hurdle is getting him not to freak out when I come home late, ie: went on a date after work.
In preparing for this new stage of training, I've picked up a zap collar. I've decided that this week, after work I'm going to crate him in the windowless laundry room with the zap collar on. I'll make all the normal noises of the door opening, locks locking, keys jingling, etc. to make it sound like I'm leaving. When he start barking the zap collar will correct him. When he quiets down, I'll go in, give him a treat and some cuddles. Then stick him back in the crate and do it again.
As of tonight, it has been successful. I'll keep working on it tomorrow night and then on Wednesday, I have book club so hopefully he will have it down. Then the rest of the week is good practice. If he does well all week, I think I can let JG know we can see each other more frequently, provided that I go home after work and crate TiVo.
Keep your fingers crossed for me that TiVo learns quickly and I can keep dating!
Saturday, November 7, 2009
Date 3- Walk along the Beach
Yes, I've made it to date #3 with JG! One year ago, I would have never have thought that I'd be on date #3 with some new guy. A year ago, I would have thought that in November 2009 I would be a newlywed of two months.
Given my new problem of TiVo barking from lonesomeness, I needed to spend a little more time with him lately. Thankfully JG was ok tagging along as TiVo and I went on our normal, long weekend walk. It was a really good day, not too cold for a nice 5 mile walk along the shoreline. We talked, walked, held hands and ended the 3 hour adventure with a little more kissing.
We didn't set another date up because I have this TiVo problem. He knows that I need a few days to figure out how to re-training TiVo and keep there from being a cop on my doorstep again. I really like JG and I want to be free to go on as many dates as we want without my dog freaking out. So for the time being, my dates with JG will have to be a little bit limited. But I do have a plan for TiVo!
Given my new problem of TiVo barking from lonesomeness, I needed to spend a little more time with him lately. Thankfully JG was ok tagging along as TiVo and I went on our normal, long weekend walk. It was a really good day, not too cold for a nice 5 mile walk along the shoreline. We talked, walked, held hands and ended the 3 hour adventure with a little more kissing.
We didn't set another date up because I have this TiVo problem. He knows that I need a few days to figure out how to re-training TiVo and keep there from being a cop on my doorstep again. I really like JG and I want to be free to go on as many dates as we want without my dog freaking out. So for the time being, my dates with JG will have to be a little bit limited. But I do have a plan for TiVo!
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